Makin' a List of the 10 Best Cinematic Santas!

Paul Giamatti has played some distinctive parts in his film career, from Andy Kaufman’s comic accomplice Bob Zmuda in “Man on the Moon” to curmudgeonly cartoonist Harvey Pekar in “American Splendor” and the simian Limbo in “Planet of the Apes.” But in “Fred Claus,” Paul gets to step into the red pants of one of the most iconic characters in culture: Santa Claus. As the holiday season begins to rev up, we thought we’d stuff a stocking with our ten favorite movie Santas!

10) Ed Asner in “Elf” (2003)

The idea of a gruff Santa is nothing new (most of the classic Rankin/Bass TV specials featured a crusty Kringle), but there’s something particularly amusing in casting Lou Grant as the man in red. Ed Asner (who also voiced Santa in the animated TV special, “Olive the Other Reindeer”) has a world-weariness to him in Jon Favreau’s retro Xmas tale. When he warns human elf Buddy (Will Ferrell) of the perils of civilization (gum on the street is not free candy), you get the feeling that while he’s not about to give up the job, Santa’s just about had it with us silly mortals. And who can blame him? Barely any of us believe anymore (betcha Ted Baxter does).

9) Oliver MacGreevey in “Tales from the Crypt” (1972)
Still, Asner’s Santa isn’t likely to chop up anyone with an axe. The same can’t be said of the deranged Claus from the 1972 anthology adaptation of the classic 1950s EC horror comics. In “All Through the House,” Joan Collins plays a desperate housewife who kills her hubby with a fireplace poker on Christmas Eve, but finds that she can’t dispose of the body due to an escaped homicidal maniac in a Santa suit hanging around outside. This was the beginning of a whole slew of slasher Santa flicks, from the “Silent Night, Deadly Night” series through 2005’s “Santa’s Slay,” and while it’s a genre we don’t love, this first entrant is enough to give even Cindy Lou Who the willies.

8) Jeff Gillen in “A Christmas Story” (1983)

The exasperated tapioca-loathing department store Santa is a mere cameo in the Bob Clark adaptation of Jean Shepherd’s classic Christmas memoir, but it’s indelible. As seen through the terrified eyes of the kids overwhelmed by the garish plastic North Pole and pressured to hurry with their gift requests by surly teenagers in elf costumes, Santa is far from jolly. He’s a bellicose, intimidating red monster who sends screaming tots down a plastic slide to holiday hell after crushing their dreams! Ho oh No!

7) Unknown in “The Night Before Christmas” (1905)
This silent Edison short was the first screen adaptation of Clement Moore’s classic poem, featuring a Santa who, despite wearing a polka-dot coat and mismatched pants, is a fully-realized image of the icon. While the name of the actor in the Santa suit has been lost to time, the film (by director Edwin S. Porter) is unforgettable, with its then-revolutionary cross-cutting between two stories (Santa preparing for his journey and a family readying for bed) and simple, yet mesmerizing miniature effects.

6) James Cosmo in “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” (2005)
In 2005’s adaptation of the C.S. Lewis tale, Father Christmas is an arms provider to the Pevensie kids, giving them weapons to aid in their struggle against the evil White Witch. This Santa’s a brown-clad, earthy, slightly foreboding guy (he initially scares the bejeezus out of the wardrobe-travelers), definitely the most butt-kickin’ Santa on our list. Except for maybe…

5) Billy Bob Thornton in “Bad Santa” (2003)

One can only imagine the catharsis this film holds for anyone who’s ever had to don a Santa Suit and endure the mewling queues of avaricious children crawling all over them. As the thief who, with the aid of his elf accomplice, uses Santa jobs to gain access to department stores in order to rob them, Billy Bob Thornton is gloriously profane, a drunken slice of pure id with no self-control or shame. That is, until a pathetic kid named Thurman Merman teaches him that it sucks to be a selfish a-hole. Hey, we’re just using Santa’s vernacular!

4) Professor Grampy in “Christmas Comes But Once a Year” (1936)
The revolutionary Fleischer Studios produced this charming short using their “tabletop technique,” in which animated cels lay over actual 3D sets. One Christmas morning, a traveling inventor named Professor Grampy comes across an orphanage too poor to afford decent presents for the kids. So The resourceful Grampy utilizes items from the kitchen to create toys: a washboard is turned into a sled, a frying pan becomes a banjo, a percolator and tea set becomes a toy train. Grampy then fashions a Santa suit for himself and bestows the goodies on the thrilled tots. The cartoon ends with a singalong in front of a rotating tree (made from nesting green umbrellas stuck on a victrola) that elicits “oohs” to this day. But we have to wonder… where the heck is the orphanage staff in this thing?

3) Jack Skellington (Chris Sarandon) in “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (1993)
We’re choosing Halloweentown’s Pumpkin King’s imitation of Santa over the genuine article in Tim Burton and Henry Selick’s stop motion holiday crossover tale because, let’s face it, he brings a fresh perspective to Christmas. Who wouldn’t prefer a shrunken head to a pair of socks? Jack may find the bright, joyful shiny Christmas to be exciting, but he still can’t let go of his Goth roots, which is why he many consider him to be the only cool Santa on this list.

2) José Elias Moreno in “Santa Claus” (1959)

Oh, how we love this oddball Mexican film pitting Santa Claus against a mischievous devil named Pitch, out to ruin the holiday. The movie presents Santa as a sort of outer space overlord, with children from around the world replacing the typical elves as his slave labor, keeping tabs on boys and girls with Dali-esque spy devices. Santa rides his terrifying robotic reindeer to Mexico where he does slapstick battle with Pitch, rewards a poor little girl with a giant doll and drugs some wealthy, but neglectful parents with a mickey that readjusts their priorities. Truly, magically, wonderfully bizarre.

1) Edmund Gwenn in “Miracle on 34th Street” (1947)
Choosing anyone else would be ridiculous. While some dismiss this holiday classic as saccharine-pap, it’s actually a sometimes-dark film, portraying humankind as often petty, selfish, narrow-minded and cynical. Gwenn plays a harmless mental patient who believes he’s really Kris Kringle, and winds up working the red suit for Macy’s when their Santa proves too soused to Ho-Ho-Ho. Kris’ insistence that he’s the genuine article (and refusal to compromise Santa’s integrity) creates difficulties for the angry in-store shrink, Mr. Macy and the cynical woman who hired him. But when a resourceful young lawyer proves in court that Santa exists, all cynicism melts away. The film works due primarily to the amazing performance of Gwenn, whose charming mixture of humor, wonder, compassion, intelligence and even strength makes him eminently believable to everyone, both onscreen and in the audience. Simply stated, the perfect Santa.

Naturally, everyone has his or her own idea of what Santa Claus should be like. Maybe for you, it’s Jim Carrey in Grinch makeup, John Call conquering Martians or (yikes) Tim Allen in a fat suit. But it’s a safe bet that no movie Santa Claus will ever measure up to Dad in a bad rented costume.
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ORIGINALLY POSTED in REWIND on MTV.COM, November 2007 (the final installment!)

Great Horror Film Franchises That Just Can't Be Killed!

You know you’ve got a powerful movie franchise if it can survive the death of its main character. Such would seem to be the case with “Saw IV,” which opens this weekend despite the demise of the sadistic Jigsaw in the third installment. As Halloween approaches, step into the Iron Maiden with us as we revisit knife-wielding maniacs and unstoppable monsters, counting down the greatest horror film series of all time!

SCREAM

In 1996, realizing that cynical audiences had seen it all, Wes Craven decided to craft a postmodern horror film, the self-referential “Scream.” As the murderous Ghostface stalks characters who are fully aware of, yet still complicit in the standard behavior of teenage slasher-film-victims, the movie becomes ironically unpredictable. Audiences weren’t sure how to react to this horror-comedy hybrid, but the film was a smash, and the first sequel again slyly turned conventions of the genre upside-down, with “Scream 2” (1997) satirizing horror sequels via the film-within-the-film, “Stab,” based on the events of “Scream.” But by the release of the convoluted “Scream 3” (2000), the series had become what it originally so smartly satirized, and so Ghostface was happily retired (at least for now).

ALIEN
What makes the uneven “Alien” franchise noteworthy is how the respective filmmakers managed to avoid just remaking the same movie over and over. Following Ridley Scott’s superb original outer-space-haunted-house “Alien” (1979), James Cameron’s 1986 sequel, “Aliens” replaced suspense with all-out action. David Fincher’s much-maligned “Alien3” (1992) is a bleak (but not bad) prison film while Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s lamentable “Alien: Resurrection” (1997) made audiences wish the franchise would’ve stayed dead. But you can’t keep a good facehugger down, and (not counting the “Alien vs. Predator” spin-offs), rumors persist that the acidic-blood-dripping, multiple-mandibled killers will return to the big screen… let’s just hope Winona Ryder’s busy.

THE OMEN

The original “Omen” trilogy follows the life of Satan-spawned Damien Thorn from demonic tot-hood to his adult ascendancy towards world domination. Richard Donner’s “The Omen” (1976) is a spectacularly chilling portrait of apple-cheeked evil and 1978’s “Damien: Omen II” manages to make the teenage Damien both terrifying and sympathetic. Sadly, 1981’s “The Final Conflict” brings an unsatisfying conclusion to the series as the adult Damien (Sam Neill) sets out to kill the second coming of Christ while being stalked by dagger-toting Priests. The film has no style and the awkward (but inevitable) climax has a cheezy “Left Behind” feel. Only time will tell if last year’s remake of the first film will spawn further misadventures of the young antichrist.

The HANNIBAL LECTER Series
Boy, talk about a mixed bag. We’ll skip both Michael Mann’s stylish “Manhunter” (1986) and this year’s prequel “Hannibal Rising” and focus on the films in which the charming, erudite serial killer is portrayed by Anthony Hopkins. Jonathan Demme’s “Silence of the Lambs” shocked everyone in 1991 not just with its terrifying depiction of malevolence (and chauvinism), but by winning the top five Oscars. Less-regarded was the Ridley Scott-helmed sequel, “Hannibal” (2001), which made the mistake of turning the cannibalistic killer into the film’s hero. Brett Ratner’s “Red Dragon” (2002) goes back to a time when Hannibal was still behind bars, simultaneously aiding and manipulating FBI agents. But despite the varying quality of the films, Hopkins’ Lecter remains a consistent joy to behold, a pitch-perfect inhabiting of a role that makes for one of the most mesmerizing characters in film history.

Universal's FRANKENSTEIN

In the 1930s and ‘40s, Universal Pictures was the home to such horror icons as Dracula, the Wolf Man, the Mummy and the monster created by the good doctor Victor Frankenstein. While each spawned sequels, the “Frankenstein” films were more than virtual rehashes. Following the iconic 1931 original directed by James Whale and starring Boris Karloff as the tortured patchwork man, 1935’s “Bride of Frankenstein” took the genre to new heights. Surreal, funny, tragic, beautiful and scary, the movie remains deliriously mind-warping over seven decades later. Following 1939’s lesser “Son of Frankenstein” (the last to star Karloff), the monster would return in five more Universal features, played by Universal Horror stalwarts Lon Chaney Jr., Glenn Strange and Bela Lugosi, the last most notably in 1948’s funny but somewhat derisive “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.” Frankenstein’s monster would be resurrected dozens more times over the years, but it’s this version that’s the most memorable.

PSYCHO
Nobody needs to be convinced that Alfred Hitchcock’s “Psycho” (1960) is one of the greatest thrillers of all time, with Anthony Perkins’ indelible portrait of deceptively benign madman Norman Bates anchoring scenes of shocking violence (and sexuality) set to Bernard Herrmann’s iconic all-strings score. But 1983’s sequel, “Psycho II” is a vastly underrated film, with the just-released Norman (again Perkins) struggling to rebuild his life while being psychologically tormented by the vengeful sister of the legendary shower scene victim. Genuine suspense, some biting commentary on changing social mores, more shocks and a surprising twist ending make this a worthy sequel to the classic original. Sadly, 1986' "Psycho III" was a mere slasher film, and a 1990 TV sequel/prequel, "Psycho IV: The Beginning" was only slightly less forgettable than Gus Van Sant's shot-for-shot 1998 remake of Hitchcock's original.

Hammer Films’ DRACULA

In 1958, the indie studio Hammer Films released “Horror of Dracula” starring Christopher Lee as a more dashing bloodsucker than audiences were used to in a loose adaptation of Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel. 1960’s “The Brides of Dracula” starred David Peel as “Baron Meinster,” a pretty-boy disciple of the count who was utterly lacking in Lee’s presence. Thankfully, Hammer lured the future Count Dooku / Saruman back into the cape and fangs for six more stylish, sexy vampire flicks starting with “Dracula: Prince of Darkness” (1966) and culminating in “The Satanic Rites of Dracula” (1973). We will not discuss 1974’s kung fu-vampire hybrid, “Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires.”

THE EVIL DEAD
Sam Raimi’s 1981 thriller, “The Evil Dead” came along at just the right time. Mindless, repetitive slasher films were all the rage, and the infusion of wit and style provided by the inaugural adventure of Ash (our hero, Bruce Campbell) battling the Book of the Dead gave the horror genre a much-needed boost. 1987’s “Evil Dead II” (sequel or remake? You decide!) was even more over-the-top, with Raimi’s imagination given free reign and a bigger budget. 1993’s “Army of Darkness” took Ash back to 14th Century England in a slightly less fulfilling installment, but we can barely contain the drool over the prospect of a possible “Evil Dead IV,” something that Raimi (now a Hollywood A-lister thanks to “Spider-Man”) has said is a possibility.

George Romero’s ZOMBIES

It’s impossible to overstate the impact of George Romero’s classic 1968 black and white zombie flick, “Night of the Living Dead.” With its brilliant simplicity, groundbreaking casting and utterly believable characters, the movie is a timeless chunk of sheer terror. 1978’s “Dawn of the Dead” used zombies in a mall to make a then-daring comment on mindless consumerism while remaining scary and exciting. 1985’s “Day of the Dead” set the flesh-eating on an army base, a not-so-subtle condemnation of Reagan era militarism. Two decades later, Romero returned to his undead roots with 2005’s disappointing “Land of the Dead,” and the upcoming “Diary of the Dead,” but even if that film stars Vanessa Hudgens as a perky teenage zombie, it tarnish the legacy of those original films.

Yes, we know, we skipped some biggies. For all you fans of Freddy, Jason, Pinhead, Michael Myers, Chucky and pale, bug-eyed Japanese children, we’re sorry, but endlessly repeated formulae do not great franchises make. We can hear you sharpening your knives (and glove blades) already…

POSTSCRIPT, June 2011:
More SCREAM and DEAD films, while Frankenstein remains unresurrected for the time being... as of this writing, the status of Ridley Scott's planned ALIEN prequel is fuzzy (is PROMETHEUS part of the series or not?)...but I remain hopeful.
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ORIGINALLY POSTED in REWIND on MTV.COM, October 2007